Evil Cat of Hell

just call me Mrs. Darcy

Okay, so now when I'm hanging out looking appropriately cool (pirate shirt, dark blue jeans, converse, black kengel golf cap, messenger bag) trying to decide wether my next jukebox selection should be Stiff Little Fingers or Steel Pole Bathtub or perhaps some dusty and obscure sentimental number by the Platters, and someone comes up and asks me what my favorite movies are, I'll have to say "Uh, The Big Lebowski, Happiness, American Beauty, Office Space....Night on Earth...Down by Law....Pride and Prejudice...".

Pride and Prejudice? Dude, I just blew the hipster cred I've been so carefully cultivating for all these years. I think I'll go sit in a dark room and listen to the smiths in a spirit of dispirited mourning for my lost potential.

No seriously, Pride and Prejudice is really really good. It's romantic, but it takes into account that a lot of marriages were pretty much just shite, then and now, which makes the central romance all the more breathtaking.

Did I just say breathtaking? I am dead serious. Candy litereally couldn't breath at end of the movie. I don't know wether she was hyperventalating, or wether she just forgot to breath or what, but I practically had to give her CPR. I myself was suffering from stabbing pains in the chest. Okay, still not convinced you should see this movie? Here are some of the ways in which it is good:

1. a female protagonist who has a nasty comeback for eveyrthing and never bothers to be nice to people she doesn't like

2. everyone and everything looks appropriately grimy for the time period. This includes lack of make-up etc.

3.Darcy is hot

4. it's really really funny.

5.Nice shots of the english landscape

I'm sorry if that list wasn't very funny, but I'm too sincere in my devotion to this movie to stoop to cheap cynicism. After Candy and I watched it we couldn't handle modern life at all. We wanted to wear flannel nightgowns and wander the english countryside chewing on scones. Instead we ended up hanging out at the nitelite with T-rex of all people. Candy made me promise I wouldn't mention the movie to him because she didn't want to have it spoiled by his base comments. I agreed, but evertime he left the room Nick and Snowball would be stuck with me and Candy staring dreamily off into space, occasionally reliving favorite scenes out loud. Candy kept yelling at Nick 'If you want to suceed, watch this movie and take notes'. Which I think he was vaguely discgruntled about. When we were falling asleep he was drunkenly muttering something about how he knew he wasn't up to pride and prejudice standards, but....I said maybe if he acquired a giant manor house full of marble statues (including a bust of himself) and some footmen....

More of my Edifying Opinions

Music: i tunes random: The Flaming Lips, Bad Brains, Paul Simon (still crazy after all these years), System of a Down, Zeppelin, (Misty Mountain Hop), manou Chaou, interpol, Hank III, nofx, John Prine, Fugazi, Ministry, Eminem, Van Morrison

Well one of the highlights of me being underemployed is that you guys all get to bask in my online presence much more. I am sure you all depend on me for pop-cultural guidance,  and as you may suspect, I really love nothing better than sitting around making stupid lists, so I have created the following painstakingly organized list of all the movies I have seen in the past year or so. Print it out and take it to the video store next time you go...or have it tattooed on your arm, if you like. Those of you who (like Snowball) are inclined to not retain much in the way of pop cultural trivia (and feel lost in your typical pop culture bar bonding conversations) can use it as a conversational cheat sheet. Ready made opinions! yes! Repeat after me....

Sucky Movies I Have Seen in the Last Year or So and Roughly Why They Sucked:
28 Grams- (starring Benicio, Naomi Watts, Sean Penn) This movie sucked on almost every level I can think of. It was boring, schmaltzy, highly unbelievable (but not in a good way), melodramatic AND pretentious. The acting was fairly decent but flawed in that not one of the stars managed to add a remotely likeable element to their characters. I mean granted, given the retarded plot they didn't have much to work with, but still....Besides it was their own fucking fault for choosing a movie with such a retarded plot. Fenster, how could you? I saw this movie in a theatre in Nicaragua when I was totally starved for pop culture and it STILL sucked.

50 First Dates (starring Adam Sandler ,Drew Barrymore, Rob Shneider). Adam Sandler falls in love with an amnesiac who can't remember anything that has taken place since her near fatal car accident. Okay, so I didn't think it was going to be GOOD...but still....Oh yeah, the Amnesiac is played by Drew Barrymore, not Rob Shneider, though come to think of it, that would have been an improvement.

Troy- Self explanatory suckiness. Helen of Troy looks like a cheap slut from an 80's metal video. Actually half the cast look hair band and the other half look like friends of my parents back in the days when they still all wore handwoven ponchos with limpet shell belts and hand died indigo scarves. I'm making this sound more amusing than it actually is. I hope Brad Pitt made allot of money or something.

Trixie-I only watched the first ten minutes of this.

Wrong Turn: Elisha Dishku (of Buffy Fame) and other rich brats stumble into the lair of murderous inbred hillbillies. Sound familiar? Lame. Plus the stoner characters died first. I hate it when that happens.

Movies I Have Seen in the Last YEar of So That Ruled and Roughly Why they Ruled:
Willard: A hapless loner trains an army of rats to do his bidding, only to have everything go terribly wrong. Well admitedly I have a fondness for Crispin Glover, but I really don't like rats and this movie is full of them and I loved it, so that says something. No seriously its really hard to make a funny horror movie that's still righteously creepy and has at least one character you can empathize with. I really like it when movies are simultaneously satirical, reverent, and creepy/funny in their own right. Hardly ever happens. Which brings me to...

Shawn of the Dead-Zombie Romantic Comedy. Satirical, Reverent, and Creepy/Funny it its own right. Okay, so it wasn't really that scary, but in my mind any movie that features the protaganists beating the shit out of a zombie bar owner with pool cues while listening to Queen...pretty much rules...Plus, the scene with the records.....and all the bar obsession....Weak ending though. Which brings me to...

Return of the King-I will not summarize this movie because its going to come off sounding facetious, and I will not besmirch one of the most brilliant sagas ever made with my cheap humor. That said, really fucking weak ending. I know everyone argues that the books end that way too, but Tolkien really pulled it off with allot more class. I don't remember quite so many baby hobbits frolicking through dewy meadows. But of course the movie still ruled.

Resident Evil-Hot swat team battles zombies, zombie dogs, maniacle hollograms, really bad CGI monsters etc. etc. Highly entertaining. Sorry, I'd take a zombie dobermin over Audrey Tatau any day.

Bottle Rocket-I have been trying to watch this movie for years but the fates always interviened. Good as suspected.

Welcome to Whoop whoop-a bunch of crazy fuckers living in a secret utopia in the australian outback drink lots of beer in longeray and kill kangaroos to sustain their dogfood factory. Really, need I say more? If Snowball were a movie, she'd be welcome to Whoop Whoop. Its kind of like Tenacatita meets the OCF set in the outback. (with a few touches perhaps, of my relatives and the lunatic fringe trailer park). Highly Recommended.

Shaolin Soccer-Marshall Arts movie meets classic sports movie meets....the Hong Kong cinema version of Adam Sandler's humor? Possibly one of the wierdest movies I have ever seen, and equally hilarious.

Dreamcatcher- (starring Morgan Freeman and?) Shitweasles aside, I found this movie pretty engaging. I kind of like those Stephen King/Big Chill old friends reunite to commit suicide or get eaten by monsters type plots. Do not watch if you are one of those 'oh, I mostly only watch foreign films' lameasses.

American Psycho- okay, I'd actually seen this before, but me and Thirsty got so much mileage out of it this year I have to add it to the list. Plus I did read the book this year for the first time. Christian Bale murders people and obsesses about exfoliants.

Dirty Work-same as the above. By that I mean I got allot of mileage out of this year, not that it has anything to do with psychotic 80's yuppies. Two friends start a 'revenge' business, and engage in juvenile hikinks. I know this movie is annoying, but  I really fucking love Norm Macdonald.

King Arthur- Arthur saga reset in the 5th century. Aside from a dearth of extras who look like they should be at burning man ( a recent trend I've noted in fantasy adventure movies, right down to my beloved Captain Jack Sparrows' unfortunate dreadlocks), this is a pretty satisfying epic, with a complex enough political/cutlural landscape to actually be pretty interesting. Also lots of long battle scenes if you like that sort of thing. Look, this movie is totally cheesy, don't get me wrong, but a great thing to curl up to if you feel like being cozy and geeky and amused by retarded/motiviational battlefield speeches.

The Weathermen-documentary about the legendary underground bombers. Interesting.

The Butterfly Effect. See previous post on the subject. Okay, so this movie wasn't THAT great, but I would say it was good in one of those trumped my low (aka Starring Ashton Kutcher) expectations.

Angel Heart-Mickey Rourke stars as a private detective on the trail of the devil. As I always say, all books and movies that feature the devil as a character are better than those that do not. Plus for all you guys, dykes and/or sickos out there, Lisa Bonet gets naked and extremely kinky.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban- I don't care wether you think Harry Potter is a twat, this movie is STILL good. Tim Burton good.

Mediocre Movies I Saw This Year and Why They Were Mediocre-

Garden State (Zach Braff, Natalie Portman, Bilbo)- B actor goes home to Jersey for his mother's funeral...free spirited hijinks ensue as he struggles to give his life some meaning. Kind of amusing, but the soundtrack is an annoying overly emo pop rip-off of  Wes Anderson, and the ending is complete shite. However, his stoner gravedigger friend is pretty cool and the movie is enjoyable to watch for the most part.

Ju-on. Overly repetetive. Not lame enough to turn off. Excellent use of dead school girls, which brings me to

Resident Evil Apocolypse- Hot people in leather kill zombies. Zombie school kids A+, lack of Zombie dobermins, dissapointing.

A Day Without a Mexican. One day the rest of California wakes up to discover that every single Mexican is gone. This is a great premise, which allows for so many comedic moments and concepts that the filmmakers didn't have much time for character development.

Skycaptain and the World of Tomarrow-This movie was pretty rediculous, but nice eye candy, and the perfect adventure flick for an extremely hungover afternoon in portland. We sandwiched it between a bloody mary breakfast and thai take-out and topped it off with beer and a nice long conversation about death metal. Perfect day.

Ramones Documentary (damn now I can't remember what it was called)-actually pretty damn good, but I still walked away feeling like I didn't really know the real story or have any more insight into Joey.

Cabin Fever- Worth watching for the scene right before the end credits alone. I always get a little bored with horror movies that feature entirely unlikeable casts...I know that part of the appeal is watching them all get slaughtered and laughing (and trust me I do enjoy that) but I preffer to have a few characters that I actually am rooting for, just to build suspense. And yes, I know that making these characters unlikeable was totally intentional...but I'm just sayin'.

Okay, obviously I saw more movies than that this year, but I am starting to get the distinct feeling that I should go read nick Tosches, or possibly, if I get really ambituos, Narcissus and Goldmund. Or war and peace?
Perhaps 'Keep the Apidistra' flying? I'm working on all of the above at the moment. Um, just had to remind y'all...cause I'm an intellectual, yo. Even if I did like Dirty Work.

damn, I'm almost as deep as Ashton Kutcher...

Last night I watched The Butterfly Effect, starring Ashton Kutcher. I found it to be suprisingly good. It reminded me allot of Donnie Darko, but I think its actually a better movie.The Butterfly Effect lacks Donnie Darko's Heathersesque darkening of the teen genre's suburban ambiance. Donnie Darko is a much more stylish film, but I found the Butterfly Effect to be somehow more rivetting. Donnie Darko was so perfectly cynical and self-aware that it gave me the impression from the beginning that it was speeding towards some sort of dark ending, (not a feeling I'm fond of ) whereas the Butterfly Effect seemed to toy with the generic (starring Ashton Kutcher, for christs sake) and then occasionally dive into darkness, which kept me guessing as to whether the protagonist actually had the power to save the day.
I guesse what really struck me is that both movies are about two time travelling teenagers who come to the conclusion that the main problem with their immediate worlds is their own prescence, and that if they simply ceased to exist they could save the girls they love. I haven't seen too many movies made before the mid seventies, but I can't personally think of any movies from the past that deal with this idea in such a hardcore way. In the 80's there were tons of movies about kids going into the past or trading bodies with their parents (i.e switching their contexts and/or meddling with time) in order to discover a) a greater appreciation for their own life and b) a greater understanding of their parents while, of course, simultaneously teaching the evil corporate world the value of taking more childlike pleasure out of life. The end message is that the main characters prescense out of context has the power to overcome the corporate mentality or the coldest of hearts...improving everything and making the world a better place. In other words, pretty much the opposite of the two above mentioned movies, which suggest that the protaganists very existance IS the root of the problem, and any shuffling of context is only likely to worsen the situation.
One of the reasons I am bringing this up is that now we are half way through this decade, I am still unableto really pin-point its style or attitude...I mean I don't even know what to call the damn decade, let alone be able to pinpoint a defining aesthetic or set of values. I'm trying to trace themes and so far its all coming up either republican or hipster.
    I believe in the late 90's or possibly early 21st century they issued a remake of Freaky Friday (brilliant book, by the way) starring Jamie Lee Curtis and some tart. But other than that, the whole switching places/Big genre seems to have largely died out. Is it being replaced by the time traveling//retroactive suicide genre? And if so, what does this say about our modes of thought? The idea that your own existance is the root of all your life's tragedy is about as heavy as it gets...yet strangely compelling...and virtually irrefutable.

it is not a tumor!

music: Bogdan Raczynski, Snoop Dogg, Brenda Lee
If I'm not much mistaken I saw a newspaper today with the headline 'Should We Change the Constitution for Arnold?'. I assume its referring to the fact that immigrants can't become president. Yeah, THAT would be awesome. I think its bizarre that only Hollywood's conservatives ever seem to run for office. I mean there must be all of six republicans (Drew Carry, Reagan, Sonny Bono, Stephen Baldwin, and Arnold) in the history of hollywood, and half of them  have occupied government offices. Obviously if you are a bad actor and run for office, you have a pretty damn good chance of winning. So how come none of Hollywood's six million liberals ever run for office? I mean if fucking Tom Hanks can get away with making a blockbuster in which the only other character is a fucking volleyball, (and one that doesn't even talk, I might add) then he could sure as hell win the presidency. I'm not kidding, actually. Not that I really particularly want Tom Hanks to be the leader of the free world, but as is so often re-iterated, anyone would be better than he-who-must-not be named. Even the man responsible for Forrest Gump.

Or what about Tom Cruise? If Arnold can overcome 'kindergaten cop', I'm sure the American public could forgive Tom that one scene from Risky Business...

I also want to know if this automatic election rule also applies to cool actors? I can't decide between George Carlin and Danny Devito. Maybe Josh Hartnett. He's hot.
You notice I don't mention any women or, ahem, 'people of color', because hey, I'm a realist. But if you must know my number one 'ethnic' choice for president is totally Dave Chapell.

ronald reagan=social distortion+ducky=nirvana+hot topic=empire records+blink 182=lull+george bush+sarah michelle=the next great teen movie.

music: Angel Dust, Faith no More
Outfit: bathrobe
So its late at night and I've got my playboy tumbler full of ice water  and my head phones on (and of course my black jack gum).
I just finished watching The River's Edge, which is fucking brilliant. Which brings me to a question....what happened to all the great teen alienation movies? The late 80'-mid 90's were rife with them. I miss the shots of familys caught in the blue flicker of the tv, the close up of the teenage girl lying on her bed staring at the cieling and looking simultaneously vapid and angst ridden, the sneaking out the window scenes, the talking trash by the school railing scenes, and, of course the ultimate quandry and point: a classmate dies and everybody gives a fuck while simultaneosuly realizing that no one REALLy gives a fuck.
And then, of course, there are the stock characters: the stoner with the jean jacket/leather jacket (preferabbly with peace sign, skull, or some combination therof), the good looking yet deeply disturbed and alienated guy, the quirky yet very good looking and confrontational girl, the depressed fat kid, the teen princess who picks at the thin veneer of  her own popularity, the evil principal, and, of course, (my personal favorite) the embittered former hippie parents/english teacher.
Strangely enough the mid 90's-through early 21st century has produced little to add to this genre. Donnie Darko is probably the only thing I can think of. American Beauty, To Die For, Rushmore, Happiness, Bottle Rocket, and Lost in the Translation explored similar veins of angst, but none were 'teen' movies in the classic sense of the word. Most of the classic mid90-early 21' teen movies were strictly comedic...Clueless, Election, American Pie, Scream, Road Trip, Idle Hands, Dude Where's My Car, etc.... Did I just call 'Dude Where's My Car' a classic? Fuck, it must be late. I would tenitavely say that American Pie II touched on some of the sadness/exuberance of its forbearers, but it failed to go deep enough. Because, you know, if Fast Times At Ridgemont High was anything, it was fucking deep.
But after putting some thought into this (like the five minutes I spent taking a shower and reading thrasher between watching the end credits of 'The River's Edge' and sitting down to write this) I have come to a positive answer to my question. If your mind had been wandering to liquor or j.lo's ass or the fact that condoleeza fucking rice was just elected secretary of state while reading this, I'll remind you that my original question was 'What happened to all the good cinematic explorations of specifically teenage alienation?'
And yes, for those of you who were paying attention, I did say that I had come to a positive conclusion about something. And no, I wasn't being darkly humorous. Occasionally I do come to positive conclusions...I mean usually the are involving beer or the anatomist, but sometimes I branch out and start coming to postiive conclusions about angst ridden teen movies.
And my thesis is: The teenage movies of the 80's and early 90's were a normal response to a fucked up situation. Maybe they were too good though. They sold an entire generation on the freak as hero, and served as a catalyst to the meteoric rise of grunge. The loser -rose to the forefront of the popular imagination.  Kurt made a million,  rich kids started spending their pocket money at stores like Hot Topic instead of Benneton, and movies like 'Empire Records' sold a vision of a poppy world soley inhabited by cute, trendily dressed freaks who didn't even need to give a thought to the Claires, Paige Woodworths, and gay bashing jocks of their high school mileau.
Empire records marked the transition from ensemble casts featuring stock characters from all walks of life (nerd, surfer, trenchcoat wearing killer) to the word I know inhabit...e.g Shorty's. There are no girls with diamond stud earings and crimping irons and perfect white keds and v-neck sweaters in my world. Nor their modern equivalent. Everyone at Shorty's could be a quirky extra (the punkrock or nerd friend with no lines) in some 80's classic, and every hipster I know claims to have been a dork in high school. People who were popular lie and say they weren't. The cultural paradigm has shifted.
Granted, the late 90's resurgance of bubblegum pop and the dominance of hip-hop keeps foot locker in business, and political trends towards the right threaten the dominant sanctity of freak culture.
My prediction for the next four years of the Bush presidency: Further swining towards the right melds with the henous influence of pop idols like sugar ray and jessica simpson in order to shift mainstream culture back towards its preppy/yuppie 80's heyday. This in turn gives angst a new potency and freakishness renewed meaning. The outcome: More good angst ridden teen movies.
I told you I was going to say something positive.

the artistry of cheese

Speaking of Johhnny Depp, I feel like his character in 'Secret Window' today, skulking around my house in a blue bathrobe, letting my 'grooming' go to seed...Hopefully this is where the comparison ends.

mini reviews of movies I have seen lately:

the house on haunted hill-a bunch of personalityless b actors get chased around a haunted mansion by something that looks like a morbid angel album cover. I always appreciate movies that incorporate haunted insane asylums, and Geoffrey Rush has a really sweet fake mustache/smoking jacket ensemble, but the characters weren't interesting at all. Totally missing the 'quirky' character you root for. You know the one who usually dies about half way through? Bad dialog, but not bad enough to be amusing in and of itself.

John Carpenter's Vampires: Lame. James Wood plays a badass vampire hunter who wears his jeans hiked up past his waist. I started calling him Camel Toe. He teams up with a fat baldwin (he was so bloated I couldn't even tell which Baldwin it was..is this the missing 'fat baldwin brother' or did one of the baldwin's just get fat?) and a bar skank (who I think was played by the girl who played Laura Palmer) and a totally wussy priest who looked like an evergreen graduate (or maybe that teacher from Beavis and Butthead) and they drive around in jeeps trying to kill this guy who looks like someone's trent reznor halloween costume. Lame. This was one of those movies that plays 'homage' to a genre, so the badness is semi self conscious tongue in cheek, but they don't quite pull of being either good or 'faux bad', and just end up 'self consciousely bad'. Pulling off 'homage bad' is a tricky business. Kinda like the black comedy. As I've said before, a good black comedy is the best thing there is as fas as I'm concerned, but a bad black comedy is usually way less funny than a made for television melodrama that you are mining for laughs. Similarily, paying homage to a genre while simultaneously retaining a feeling of suspense and relevancy is a tricky business, and being even slightly off the mark leads to ruin. Actually the old x-files did this very well, though I always sort of had the feeling that allot of fans didn't get the joke. (Of course that was okay with me, I always like a chance to hone my feelings of superiority). In order to pull off a propper 'homage' film, I think the director needs to be sincerely in love with the genre, not just attempting to mine it for cheap humor. Sky Captain and the World of Tomarrow succeeded for this reason. Cabin Fever was sort of good, but ended up being too over the top for me. On the opposite end of the spectrum, sometimes directors' attempts to lovingly recreate the genre become too stringent and they end up with something sort of boring, like the Cohen brothers 'Man who Wasn't There'. But, as usual, I digress...

Wonder Boys- Just rewatched this recently. I love the Michael Douglas character in this movie. Another poorly groomed writer with writers block who goes about in bathrobes acting depressed....Occasionally Tobey Macguire delivers some kind of stiff lines, and the ending is sort of cheesy, and the title is awful, but in general this is a really fucking good movie, and I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't already seen it. Its just melencholy enough to be soothing to the depressed mind, but not so melencholy as to drag you down further. Lots of jokes about pot smoking, suicide, and dead dogs....my kind of humor.

in which we triumph....

I come home after twelve hours at work. Dirtrock is still trying to figure out how to set up the DVD player he bought yesterday. I like to make fun of him about stuff like this and the fact that he doesn't know how to check his e-mail on his own.
"Well, do you want to go get a movie?" I ask. I have to go with him because the video store clerk is his Nemesis and won't check movies out to Dirtrock unless Snowball or I are with him. He still owes 70 dollars on Orange County, which we never did watch. He looks at me with slight wonder
"Do you think we should risk it? What if we can't get it to work?"
"Well if we can't get it to work tonight we should definitely be able to figure it out in the next couple of days before the movie is due back."
We walk off into helltown. The wind has died down for the first time in days and it is almost pleasant out.
At the video store Nemesis give us his usual disdainful look, informing us haughtily that the new Stephen King movie we've seen previews too is actually a tv series. I mentally kick myself for making this film geek gaffe in front of our enemy, though when we walk away we get some malicious enjoyment out of the fact that he seems to be watching a computer animated Christmas movie.
We stop at Dan's and spend 10 minutes in the beer isle, having one of those conversations
Dirtrock: what 2.29? Why is the boddington's more expensive? I could get two Guiness...or...I could get one of those. Those are bigger.
Me: Yeah, but check it out...the Newcastle is 3.39 and its actually only 18.7 fluid oz. which means you're paying an extra dollar and ten cents for only 2.7 ounces of beer. Which isn't very much. ( I explain helpfully)
Dirtrock: (thoughtfully) But I haven't had an outmeal stout in a long time.
Me: Well those are 3.49, so you'd be paying a dollar and TWENTY cents extra for that 2.7 oz. difference.
What I want to know is how the Boddingtons has two extra ounces of beer. They look exactly the same size.
Dirtrock: yeah it must be the...
Me:yeah, one is more carbonated or something....
We eventually leave with the first two things we picked up (one guiness and one boddingtons each).
We walk out into the night and use all of our mental powers to avoid going into shorty's as we walk past it for the second time that night. We actually make it, which must be some kind of new record. Dirtrock is still worried about the DVD player.
Me: Dude, if we can't figure it out we'll call Jeff.
Dirtrock: Yeah, he's part of that young technologically savvy generation.
Me: If we call him about this he'll make fun of us. I'm going to figure it out.
Dirtrock: I think I've mostly got it. You stick the three things in their color coded holes. I'm worried that we don't have a tv remote. What if we need a tv remote to get it to work. It said something about putting the input on video and we don't have that option on our tv.
Me: dude, I bet that's just like putting it on channel three...or whatever channel you use for dvds....you know?
I get home and pour myself a beer and start fucking with the system, which seems mostly set up.
Me: dude, what I'm worried about is that when we do get it working then one of us is going to have to figure out how to get the DVD to actually play.
Dirtrock: well if its working that shouldn't be a problem.
Me: yeah, but they don't just start playing. they have those screens that come up with all the options...you know....and some repeating image in the background. I always make someone else do that part...
Me: hey...check this out...its working....look, see that was that wierd screen thing I was talking about.
Two some enjoyable hours later....

Me: wait, so do you have to rewind DVDs?

land of sunshine

Just watched ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ and now I’m listening to ‘Glory Days’. I suppose that should shed some light onto my mentality at the moment....I won’t reveal the ending or anything, but those of you who have not watched ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’ might want to skip this. So, funny story....My roommate is trying to figure out wether he and his girlfriend should break up. ...I go out and rent ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’. Those of you who have seen this movie know that my move was kind of like renting ‘Steel Magnolias’ for someone whoes best friend is dying of cancer. Or renting ‘Pi’ for someone with epilepsy....Or renting ‘Stepmom’ for someone whoes parent is dying of cancer. Which, incidentally, someone actually did for me...
Now that I think of it, this kind of shit always happens to me. When my godfather lost his arm and was laid up in a Mexican hospital, I sent him a copy of ‘Where Is Joe Merchant’ (by Jimmy Buffet) as a condolence gift. Figured Jimmy Buffet makes up for anything, even loss of limbs....Later he asked me what I meant by it and pointed out that the entire plot revolves around an egregious supervillian who is so warped by the loss of his arm that he goes on a pathetic and bloodthirsty quest for revenge, completely fucking everthing up and eventually dying a horrible death.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was pretty good, but so acurate in its early depiction of the horror of relationships that I was never really able to recover and start rooting for the couple to stay together. Maybe this sheds some light on my mentality in general.. Maybe in general I haven’t recovered from mye last ice age as much as I thought. When I first started watching the movie I was like ‘Oh man, this is gonna kill me...The movie is going to end and I’m going to get up and call every ex in my little black book of sorrows...’. But by the time the movie was over I just really needed a beer and a little bruce springsteen. I don’t know wether this is progress or really not progress. Probably really not. Life is fucked my friends.
Thank god for the little things. Not that I believe in god. I do, however, believe in little things. Like renting ‘Footloose’ for parapalegics...

heists

my favorite thing about catering is that I get to go around in a super fancy building wearing a uniform, pushing a cart, and brandishing my security badge, which totally makes me feel like I am in a heist movie. What's under the lid of this immense chafing dish? A bomb? A recently stolen Modigliani? Frank Sinatra? Wouldn't you like to know...

Resident Evil vs. Schindler's List

Well the category of the day is Film, which, like the previous category Books, doesn't narrow things down much. My topic options are still seemingly endless....and I can't decide wether I should use this space to rant about my hatred of french films or perhaps wax poetically about Repo Man. As for Movie Watching in general, like so many things in my life, while I do have an appreciation of quality, I am most often drawn to trash. I am moved by so-called good movies, but I will resist seeing them for as long as possible. After being quietly irritated by the fuss made over Sling Blade, and after studiously avoiding 'Saving Private Ryan', when finally forced to watch both films, I was ashamed (still am actually) to admit that I was moved.
I was even touched by Amelie, for god's sake, and you know my feelings on the french. Not to mention sprightly little hipster girls with romantic dreams and hearts of gold....God fucking dammit, I can't believe I was charmed by that thing. Yeah, you heard me. Charmed.
So I think I have demonstrated my capacity for appreciating quality. But I'm afraid that the Drama and Foreign film section of Helltown Video still remain...foreign terain. The last movie I saw in the theatre was
'Resident Evil II', and before that 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban'. The only film festival I have been to is Olympia's 'All Freakin' Night' which is an all night horror fest at the historic Capitol Theatre. Brilliant, but it hardly qualifies as edifying. I watch teen horror movies endlessly, hoping to find another 'The Faculty', and I am usually dissapointed and become bored as soon as things start to get messy. Speaking of which, does anyone else find the climaxes of films generally boring? I'm much more a fan of the build up. (and no you perverted bastards, the same does not apply to sex). I really really hate it in movies like 'The Matrix II, when the fucking climax takes up the second half of the movie. I should probably start watching more old movies, because the spectacular numbs me rather quickly. Oh great he dodged another bullet...Is that chick flying? More ninjas...hmm.....I like kung-fu movies, but (and I am probably alone here) I actually generally enjoy the rediculous dialog more than the fighting. Kind of ironic coming from someone who loves action movies.
The brilliant trashy movie is as illusive as the brilliant drama. The same goes for black comedies (my other favorite genre, along with the heist and the caper), though I will venture to say that the bad black comedy is probably more excruciating than even the bad drama, which can at least usually be mined for comedy. I enjoy dramas just as much as trash, provided they are good, so why then do I have such a mental block against renting them. Given a choice between 'Schindler's List' and 'Wrong Turn', I would gladly choose Wrong Turn. This is evident, as I have yet to see 'Schindler's List'. Wrong turn, indeed, my friends.
This said, I can proudly claim that 'the Shawshank Redemption' is one of my favorite movies, and hopefully someday someone will force me to watch another good movie so I can add to my list.